No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
