By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
