the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
