You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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