I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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