I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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