adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize