Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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