3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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