i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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