Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
