What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
