D3 body, D1 cock
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
