I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
