Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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