What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
