Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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