I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
