You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
