You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
