The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
