a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I smell stomach acid.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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