I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
