party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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