i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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