This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
