I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
