i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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