Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
