Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
