walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
