No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
