Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
