this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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