So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
