I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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