i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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