You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
