I am in a vortex of obligation.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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