Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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