Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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