My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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