Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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