She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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