so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize