who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
