every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
