It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
