Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
