I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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