I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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