Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
