im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize