I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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