So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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