hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
