I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
