I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
And then he peed in my hair
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