And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
